Not Everyone Wants to be Happy

Everyone wants to be happy, right? Nope. It’s a lie. Everybody SAYS they want to be happy, but far fewer people are willing to actually put one foot in front of the other to make it happen.

Why is that?

I mean, really, it sounds good. Who doesn’t want to be happy? Joy in your heart, fun and adventures all the time, it sounds like a freakin’ party and you’d be foolish not to want a part of that. Right?

Oh, but you say, there’s a cost? Well crap, it figures there’d be a catch.

I’m going to have to what? Oh hell no, there’s no way I’m going to do that.

And that’s how the conversation goes.

So what’s the cost, you ask?

It’s not about money. If that were the case my really rich friend would be really happy. Be he’s not. He’s miserable.

It sounds nice to say, “All I want is to be happy, why is that so difficult?”

And it’s not really. We just make it that way. We give excuses, we give reasons, we give examples, but what we don’t give is honesty.

Like I said, this is going to cost you… maybe more than you’re willing to pay. But put that checkbook away. For this, money is not the answer. To really find happiness, true and lasting happiness, you are going to have to pay with your ego. You’re going to have to set aside your carefully crafted façade and the lies you’ve been telling yourself and everyone else, and you’re going to have to get real.

Oh crap. Scary, huh?

In one way it is. It’s scary to accept the fact that you are the one who’s actually doing the things that prevent you from being happy.

What?

But, if I do what I really need to do in order to be happy, my wife, husband, mother, father, boyfriend, girlfriend, or dog is going to get mad at me.

Yep. They might. But they’re not going to die.

But they’re going to be disappointed, angry, hurt, sad, or offended.

Yep. They might. But they’re not going to die.

So what is it, you ask, this honesty that is required to find happiness? The real, floating on a cloud, feel like it’s the best day in your life, walk around with a goofy smile plastered on your face all the time happiness?

It’s about owning your shit. You know, the stuff you keep throwing in your way that prevents you from finding happiness.

I’ve got a friend. He’s a good friend. I love him to death. He’s lots of fun to hang out with, but he’s unhappily married.

He says he wants to be happy and wants to have someone love him, but he really doesn’t.

He and his wife are involved in a toxic merry-go-round that neither are willing to step off of.

He says he wants to go to counseling, but his wife refuses.

So he continues with the fights, the screaming, the throwing her out and cursing her, and she leaves, and comes back a few hours later and they continue as if nothing happened.

It really is sad. I feel bad that they don’t see how they are each contributing to this vicious cycle.

He says if he leaves her she won’t have anyone and he doesn’t want to do that to her. She has no friends and no family. It’s a beautiful excuse. And it’s all b.s.

My thought is he is actually preventing her from becoming the person she is meant to be by staying in this toxic relationship. Maybe if she were free she could find her own happiness. Maybe he’s afraid to be single again because he might actually have to get real to find another mate. It’s hard to find someone who has a preference for your taste in poison.

I’m a really pragmatic person. Very black and white. I see two options. He either sets up an appointment with a counselor and tells her if you don’t show up and work on this relationship, I will file for divorce, or, he shuts up and accepts the fact that he’s strapped himself onto this crazy roller coaster for the rest of his life.

Or, maybe he uses her unwillingness to go to counseling as his own excuse. ‘Listen, I really want to go to counseling, but she refuses. What can I do?’

It’s all about being real. If you’re not willing to be real, you really want to want to be happy, but you don’t want to be happy. You’re not willing to be honest about why you’re not happy and why you’re unwilling to take the necessary steps to become happy.

So that gets us back to the why? There are many reasons. I think the biggest excuse is fear. People are afraid of failing, afraid of looking foolish, and they’re afraid of getting hurt.

Well let me tell you, I’ve experienced all of those — and more! And I haven’t died yet.

One of my greatest attributes is that I am willing to look in the mirror and be real. I can look at myself and say, ‘You know, that’s a bunch of b.s. The reason you aren’t happy is because you keep sabotaging yourself. You say you want xyz, but your actions say something totally different.’

It is that raw honesty with yourself that will take you off that merry-go-round and set you on firm ground heading in the direction of happiness.

You are the only person who has the power to make you miserable, and you are the only person who has the power to bring happiness to your life.

Sucks, huh? It’s also totally cool!

We let our fear of what people will say or how they react determine how we will live our lives. How crazy is that?

My mother and I had a great relationship until I was 14. After that, I started exerting my independence and she did not like it one bit. She tried to coerce, manipulate, judge, criticize, nag and pester me into submission, but I would not let my spirit be dominated.

I wanted to live my life in a way that made me happy, that was challenging and fulfilling, and she did not approve. She never has. We haven’t spoken for over a year.

She has made it abundantly clear that she disagrees with just about everything I do and believe in, and I’m okay with that. I accept that she disapproves of me. I’m not happy about it, but I don’t let it rule me, either. I am not willing to sacrifice my happiness to appease someone else.

What are you willing to sacrifice for your happiness? Are you willing to get real and be honest? Or are you going to stay on your merry-go-round and wait for someone else to allow you to be happy?

Tick tock, time’s a wasting.